To have gone through a traumatic birth alone would be enough ... with all the hurt, PTSD, fear, exhaustion, confusion, conflicted feelings and even some unexplicable, misplaced shame. At least that's how I felt when my daughter was born prematurely at 6.5 months. Together, we were in the hospital for over 2 months. I didn't feel myself again really—until she was about 3. She's 3.5 now and I'm different but really good. Strong. Happy, with incredible perspective.
I can tell you that things overall will continue to get better for you rentire family as the days pass. You will feel better and stronger and your daughter will pull you forward. I want to thank you for your courage and in reminding me how strong we can be during the most challenging times. Your daughter will one day be so proud of her mom for having such courage.